Make Way - For Attraction & Annoyance
Initially we can be very attracted to one another. We feel drawn to one another and are curious due to this attraction. We might consider the possibility of getting to know one another and of establishing a relationship.
We might both decide that ‘I choose you’. We choose each other knowing that we are different but feeling like we can navigate whatever comes our way. After all we are choosing to love and to face life together. This seems attractive initially but it can become a difficulty too. We are actioning our commitment and intent to figure out the future together. Further down the track the things that we thought that our love would overlook or conquer can become quite difficult to live with and to ignore. statistically, this happens within the first 5 years.
When we fail to articulate what we need and want or we fail to listen to what our partner needs and wants then this creates conflict and necessitates communication. This can be pretty confusing. On the one hand I am so attracted to you and on the other I am so annoyed by you. These are two perspectives that we have of one another. I love so much about you but I don’t like everything. Then we might become more annoyed and this might overtake our attraction. Failure to address conflict in a reasonable way statistically might end the relationship at the 7 year mark.
Attraction and annoyance are closely related. Just as there are two sides of the same coin, there are two ways of looking at things and of learning to appreciate one another. We have our own distinct personalities. We have a lifetime of very different experiences, families and other interactions. Consequently, we each have our own idiosyncrasies. Our way of processing and our viewpoints. We begin to understand the need to love, honour and negotiate for our relationships sake given that attraction and annoyance are both present.
Our distinctions, our different perspectives, our differences are what attracts us and what hopefully causes us to dig deeper, to become curious and not to judge. To gain understanding and hold lightly to our forgone fact filled conclusions. To turn toward one another even when we feel like turning away. To remember our commitment, our connection and to consolidate this as life unfolds. Time and time again, the capacity to lean into (the non abusive) relationship, to seek to understand and express empathy and kind compassion, to choose to grow and to mature together can result in boundless satisfaction. It brings joy to the couple, their families and to the community.
If you’re stuck?
Let’s talk!
